This morning I finished my first book on tarot. I was on chapter 2, I think when I ordered my first set of cards. They should be here tomorrow and I’m unspeakably excited.
Tarot is one of those vague mystical practices that I know about but have never truly come into contact with outside of some county fairs or TV shows and movies that always portrayed it as the calling card of psychic con artists. Never anyone who really knew about it or believed in it.
But I linked up with an old acquaintance not that long before this whole Corona thing started and she did a reading for me on a whim. I felt really touched by her connection to the cards and by what the cards revealed around me. I’ve always been interested in things like this. In magic and nature and everything just beyond what we can see. But I grew up Catholic, so such interest wasn’t really encouraged. Discouraged, actually. I wasn't allowed to go trick-or-treating or read Harry Potter. (Although, I definitely read Harry Potter, bless my little literature loving heart.)
Now I’m at a place in my life where I can explore my spirituality and the ways to strengthen it in any way I choose. And I feel like I have so many ideas. Just on the spreads alone. I want to do spreads for my relationships with everyone in my life right now.
Hierophant is my life path card and Temperance is my shadow card and I felt both of those resonate with me so strongly. I’m literally a substitute teacher. And my goal was to be a full time teacher. But I felt that I wanted to pursue my love of writing even though it took me a while to realize that that was the reason I didn’t want to commit. I do still hope to be a teacher, and I expect to be one at some point, but right now my main goal is being published.
I think tarot can be a way for me to explore some of the things that keep me blocked. I want to use it as a form of intense self-examination, and as a way to fine-tune my reception to the energies around me. And as a way to make decisions because I already know that I tend to avoid and procrastinate.
Plus I’ve always felt very empathetic. I once told someone that the way their aura was rubbing against mine was irritating me. That’s the kind of person I am, by the way. Someone who says things like that.
I’m really excited to explore this, but it also feels the same as when I started writing fanfiction. I’m wondering who I can talk to about all my ideas and everything I’ve learned. That’s part of the reason why I’ve decided to focus my blog on this exploration for now. Hopefully this will help me build a community of people to talk to about it. I’m almost positive my family wouldn’t approve. My friends wouldn’t disapprove necessarily, but I don’t know if they would truly understand my interest in it or the esteem I have for the practice. My friend who read for me would understand, but we’ve already had discussions about how her old friends never participated in her interests until it suited them. She and I don’t have that kind of relationship, but I still worry about her reaction.
I don’t know. I just feel like I could build a real connection with the cards. I definitely want to try.
Ah they came sooner than expected. I just meditated, listening to the sound of the ocean for five minutes, with the box in my hands. My hands got hot while I was meditating. It’s 7 p.m. I touched the deck and asked God for guidance. Split and stacked three times before spreading and picking a card. I picked the star. So I should enjoy the break I have right now I feel like.
I’m usually always on the go and running myself into the ground. I’ve had a chance to stop and take a look at my life and myself and I know that I need to get better. That’s why I decided to pursue my interest in tarot in the first place. But I think it also means that I need to take a little more time and be more intentional with my self-care. Including therapy, which I was kind of going to let slide because my therapist had to cut communication while the app we were using got fixed. If I couldn’t talk to her, I was just going to wait, maybe end up not going back for a while. But since I’m supposed to be appreciating my time to heal, I should use it properly.
It could also mean that my writer's block, which was a wound to me, is healing and I'll be able to write easy as breathing again. One can only hope.
Edit: My tarot readings are going to be backdated, but feel free to comment and share any advice and your own tarot experiences!