Ten of wands.
I’m overburdened. Really the card made me smile when I pulled it and my first thought was ‘oh so y’all attuned to me now huh.’ So I’m going to assume that I’m right and my deck is attuned to me now.
Yesterday, I woke up exhausted and I pulled the ten of swords so I went into my day laughing. Today I woke up tired and pulled the ten of wands. It says I’m carrying something so heavy I can’t see past my burden. I think it might be about my undiagnosed depression. I mean, I think it’s depression. I just know there’s no way it’s this hard to get through the day for everyone.
I find it so difficult to do the simplest daily tasks, even more so to do them consistently. Nothing ever seems worth the amount of time I would have to put into it. Basically the only thing I’m happy to do is read, write, and other little hobbies. I’m fully aware though that life isn’t about doing what you want all the time. Hobbies cost money. So do shelter and food for that matter. Work, no matter how draining, is necessary.
The card said I’m not using my energy wisely, which I assume refers to me trying to force myself into a daily routine when daily routines exhaust me. It also said now may be the time to ask for support. And since I want to use my energy better, but I don’t know how, I assume it is another kick in the ass to find a new therapist. I feel like I pulled that from a different card earlier this week. So I guess that’s going to be my main task today. The only one outside of writing until I get some energy back.
I also feel like the knight of pentacles has been trying to get my attention which confuses the hell out of me. Maybe I just need to be more selective about what I work so hard on and I should ask for help to choose more wisely so I don’t burn myself out?
*Minutes later* No, I really do think it’s trying to get my attention. It fell out of the deck yesterday and I picked it up and put it on the bottom. Today, I checked on a whim (intuition?) and it’s on the bottom again even after I shuffled the deck. Unless it’s supposed to represent my underlying thoughts? That I think I need to toil away everyday, but all I’m doing is burning myself out instead of making progress I can be satisfied with. Or maybe it's telling me that there's a specific thing I'm wisely using my energy on and I should stick with that but scrap everything else.
All will be revealed with time.
Edit: My tarot readings are going to be backdated, but feel free to comment and share any advice and your own tarot experiences!