Ten of swords.
Which honestly has me geekin'. I was waiting to pull this card once I started doing relationship readings. I was hoping to pull this card actually in order to validate how I felt… feel?... about the way things ended with those relationships.
But I woke up this morning, dead refusing to function or do anything productive with my day. I even almost didn’t meditate before picking my card. But I did. I made myself because I truly want to connect with the cards. And in return they gifted me the ten of swords. Which might sound like a crappy gift, but with the ones I use, it basically means everything is fine. Ironically and genuinely.
The description says, “... the pain will end and you will come out stronger having survived it.” And then I thought, ‘growing pains.’ And I will say, this is the first time my brain has actively tried to fight me about this, the first time I thought to myself, ‘Don’t forget this is all fake. You’re reading too much into it.’ Which is interesting and hilarious to me, that my mind fights back when I start to feel vulnerable, even if the vulnerability brings me joy.
And pulling this card did bring me joy today because it reminded me that pain and sadness and lethargy aren’t forever. And eventually everything I’m trying to do right now, to improve myself and my quality of life, it won’t all be new things that I’m fighting myself to make into habits. Eventually, it will be normal for me to pull a card every day and eat breakfast every day and all those other daily tasks that I find so damn difficult. Trying to better myself is hard, and it sucks, and I don’t really like it all that much. I’m a complicated person. I don’t always have the energy to be me. I barely have energy at all. But I’m trying to change that. And even if it takes forever, it’s all going to be fine.
Edit: My tarot readings are going to be backdated, but feel free to comment and share any advice and your own tarot experiences!